me: sooo i've been feeling really crappy all day
me: and i can't stop thinking, if i am even pregnant again i am gonna be SO PISSED
her: hhahahaha, oh my god, that'd be crazy. but i would still love you and your new little baby
me: yes, and if by some insane chance i were actually pregnant i would love another baby just as much as my other kids, but seriously, THIS JOKE ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE, GOD
her: hahaha, God loves your uterus!
her: do you have any tests?
me: i don't!
me: i usually do, but i'm all out
her: they're expensive!!
me: just think how great i'll look in line at cvs, just me, a pregnancy test, and three kids
me: and a giant box of condoms
her: hahah, and a vasectomy!
her: too bad you cant just pick those up!
me: one of those do-it-yourself home vasectomy kits
her: haha, that sounds DANGEROUS!
me: buy one, get a free bag of frozen peas
her: and a bottle of booze for aaron
her: so do you really think you could be?
me: i would be very, very, very surprised
me: if aaron's magical sperm could somehow get through a condom, my birth control pill, AND breastfeeding hormones
me: which supposedly suppress ovulation
me: but my fertility defies all logic
her: holy f balls, that'd be ridiculous!!
her: i really think that would be impossible! but impossible=david haha
me: on the plus side, i'll always be able to say to my children, no, seriously, don't have sex until you're married
me: you might think it's safe, but IT'S NEVER SAFE
her: this is TRUE!
me: because if heredity holds true, their sperm will be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound
her: SUPER SPERM duh duh daaaa!
Seriously, internet: does every married or, you know, sexually active woman get that panicky feeling every time she feels a little queasy? Or am I just really, really paranoid? (And c'mon, can you blame me?)